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As a woman, you don't have enough testosterone to get the big bulging muscles that body builders get. So stop worrying about bulking up and pick up some heavier weights at the gym. Weights that are too light for you will not magically shape and tone your body. To find out what weight is right for you, start by picking a weight you know you can lift 10 times, but no more than 12 times. As you get used to this weight and you can start to do more repetitions and sets, move the weight up by a few pounds. If you want to see results, you need to choose a weight that will tire out your muscles within 10 repetitions.
Don't be intimidated by the equipment that men traditionally use. You pay for that barbell with your gym membership just as much as he does. Use a barbell to do squats or try lifting for your arm exercises twice per week with one of your friends as a spotter.